Trading my Sorrows

Hello,

In my last post I talked about the Devil targeting me. It’s happening in many ways right now. One of the most damning is the negative thoughts that are plaguing me.

I have been feeling very down on myself lately. I have been bogged down with stress and some feelings of hopelessness. There has been a lot of doubt going on. Did I make the right decision moving down to NC? Am I a failure? Was a foolish to switch careers? Will I be alone for the rest of my life? Is there light at the end of this tunnel?

Sometimes the negative thoughts make me feel like I am drowning in them. Things feel so hopeless. It makes me want to just curl up and do nothing. What’s the point anyway? It keeps me from living my life. It keeps me from moving forward.

I have been praying and talking with God so much. I know that I am not alone. I KNOW that He is with me, but sometimes it feels like I have been abandoned. That is the devil working.

Yesterday I was at church and I was looking through the songs we would be singing. When we finish one song I like to turn ahead to the next one to be nice and ready. One of the songs on the list yesterday was Trading my Sorrows. I love this song. It speaks to me. Ironically, we didn’t actually sing it. But, just seeing it and reading the lyrics made me feel so good.

I'm trading my sorrows
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying them down
For the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying them down
For the joy of the Lord

We Say
Yes Lord yes Lord
Yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord
Yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord
Yes yes Lord Amen

I am pressed but not crushed
Persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I am blessed beyond the curse
For His promise will endure
That His joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

How great is that? Yes, Lord I am trading my sorrows. While I was sitting in church the sun peeked through the window and was shining right in my face. It felt like a giant spotlight on me during the sermon. It was a reminder to me that God is ALWAYS with me. So yes, I am trading in my sorrows. And I feel so much better.

It’s funny. When you pray to God and ask him for things it’s easy to think of it like a birthday wish. It’s easy to think “Well I prayed 2 minutes ago and nothing got better. God must not be listening to me.” The good news is that He is listening.

I traded in my sorrows and good things are happening. God is providing for me.

*****

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 4: 8-9

Sometimes I feel like the Devil's number One target

Hello,

Every day when I take a shower I am not alone in there. I am not referring to my morning prayers, which always happen in the shower. No, I am referring to the ladybugs that live in my bathroom.  There are so many of them.

I have come to consider myself something of a Ladybug Whisperer. Sometimes I walk in and there are two or three upside down struggling in the water left in the tub. I practically kill myself running to them to save them.

That’s why I don’t always understand my actions and thoughts. I will do anything to save a ladybug, and yet there are things that I do that can hurt people. I don’t want to do that. Sometimes it’s a word. Sometimes an action.  The devil works awfully hard in me sometimes.

 I have been immersing myself in the Word of God. I have been doing whatever I can to give back and help as many people as I can. I can feel God working through me. That makes me a target for the devil. Every morning I ask for God’s help to fight the Devil. Sometimes he’s stronger than I am. It’s been torture. I KNOW God has my back. I know that He is with me. He’s making me stronger, but man I wish the Devil would just go pick on someone else right now.

I see other people hurting people left and right and leading a selfish life. They don't seem to care. Sometimes I wish I could be more selfish. And then I get really mad for thinking that. That’s not what God wants. It's just that it looks so easy for some people to not care. Guilt and remorse is so taxing.

I try so hard to live a perfect life that I forget that I am human.  I have feelings. I have emotions.  Jesus died for my sins. I am going to falter. I am going to make mistakes.  I am going to be a target of the devil. I just have to keep asking God for strength and forgiveness. And I need to work hard not to make the same mistakes.

Hey Devil, my life belongs to God. You may win some battles, but you will never win the war!

*****

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

1 Peter 5:8

Silly Jesus

Hello,

2015 has brought with it two new classes for me. Tonight I started at new Bible Study on Genesis. I am really excited about it. It’s nice that I have been reading Genesis since January 1^st. That’s right, we are 14 days into the new year and I am still going strong in my bid to read the Bible in a year. I have been very good about posting it to social media too. That helps keep me on track.

My second class is with my Sunday School after service on Sunday. We started a new series called “The Jesus I never knew”. It’s been very interesting. Do you know how many movies were made portraying Jesus? Way more than I ever expected. And that’s what the series is about. How Jesus is interpreted and portrayed in movies.

Some have been harsh and some have been very Disney like. I mean you practically expected birds to be circling his head and singing. Some have been how I have imagined and pictured him and some have been way off from anything I expected.

One movie particularly disturbed me.  It was made by the BBC, and I love the BBC so I was a little upset by it. Jesus was boisterous and a bit of a buffoon.  To put it mildly, it ruffled my feathers. I was literally uncomfortable sitting there watching these clips.

I never thought of it before.  How would I feel if Jesus is portrayed in a not so serious light? Not good my friends. It seemed so wrong. It seemed offensive. It got to me.  Now I don’t know the intention behind the movie. I don’t know if it was Christian driven or just another movie to someone, but I didn’t like it. It’s been a week and a half since I first saw it and it still irks me.

This thought seems very relevant today. The world is mourning the Terrorist attack in France.  A satirical magazine was targeted for their depiction of Muhammad. Many people are coming out and saying that our Freedom of Speech should not be infringed upon. And they are correct. But, freedom of speech means that you can’t be censored or punished by the Government. That doesn’t mean that people from other cultures and countries will respect that. I am in no way defending the terrorists. 

What they did was completely wrong. All I am saying is that I can identify with their sense of offense. If a BBC movie from the 50’s can upset me this much, and I’m a fairly rational person, then just imagine how offended others can be.

My response to this bizarre portrayal of Jesus was to pull out my Bible and read some more.

*****

And he said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

-Luke 7:50