Finding my Calm

Hello,

So it's been a while. It feels like I am always saying that. I have been a little busy. Okay, a lot busy. My last post was about reading the Bible in a Year. And let me tell you, the last couple of months have been extremely inconsistent. I am still getting my reading in, but it's not daily and I have to play catch up when I post pictures of the verses that I am reading.

It may not seem like that big of a deal, but that is what grounds me. I have noticed that even when I'm reading and catching up that I am not super focused and I can't seem to calm my brain. I am even having a hard time focusing in church. I am too busy and I am too preoccupied. It's not good. One of the projects that I taken on is just coming to a wrap. So hopefully I can breathe again soon. But, it's been pointed out that I say that A LOT.

My soul is soothed when I read the Bible regularly. If I can't find 15 minutes a day to commit to it, then quite frankly, my schedule is too tight. That should be my priority.

I think I posted before about listening to K Love, the Christian radio station, in my car. That soothes me and calms me also. For the past couple of months I have been listening to audio books in the car. I finished one yesterday and put K Love back on. I instantly felt relief. I breathed and relaxed. I need this.

In all fairness, I have been spending a lot of time at Church and working on Church events, but just because I am doing that does not mean that I can stop my reading and music. Clearly, I need it.

*****

He caused the storm to be still, So that the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad because they were quiet, So He guided them to their desired haven.
-Psalm 107: 29-30

Bible in a Year

Hello,

I first read the Bible in a year back in 2007. At the time I was following a calendar schedule that mostly went from front to back, but occasionally mixed it up with the New Testament. This time I decided to read it chronologically. The OCD in me thought she would like that better. She does not.

In the beginning I was reading 3 chapters a day. And then Chronicles and Psalms got involved. It's been a little distracting moving around so much. Chronicles is basically repeating what I just read.

Another thing that is driving me crazy is jumping around within a book.

Today is 173 and I have kept it up. The only day that I missed was my Marathon and I made up for it the next day.

I will probably read the Bible in a calendar year again next year, but I will not do it chronologically...for my sanity.

The struggles I am having is that it isn't making me want to read. I get frustrated at the jumping around. That's not how reading the Bible should be. I should be eager to jump in and get started. The first time I read it in a year I was excited every day to read the Word.

I will finish what I started and try not to complain. It's a personal thing and I do my best to get past that and really focus on what I am reading, but sometimes I lose that battle.

I have learned so much from the Bible and I have read it every day for almost 9 years. I will never stop that. Sometimes I get more out of it when I focus on smaller amounts though and really soak it in. Perhaps my problem is that I haven't been able to carve out long periods of time to sit and absorb what I am reading daily. I will try to do better.

That's why I like Bible Studies. I do like summer, but I am ready for fall and for my studies to start up again.

*****

For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.
-Romand 15:4

Blessings before Meals

 

Hello,

 

Wow, okay I knew it had been a while since my last post, but I didn't realize that it was in February. There are so many things that I said I wanted to blog about. I'm going to make it my summer project to catch up.

 

One thing that I struggle with is saying a Blessing before my meals. I love when I am out to eat with friends and they say "Shall we say a blessing?" I have surrounded myself with such good people.

 

When I am out to eat by myself I can generally stop myself and silently thank God for the meal and nourishment. But, when I am eating at home I pretty much always forget. If anyone has an idea of how to remind myself I would greatly appreciate it. Case in point: I knew I wanted to blog about this today and did not remember to say anything before I ate.

 

The blessing I say is usually:

 

Bless us O Lord, for these thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord. Amen.

 

 

I just googled blessings and there are others that I am familiar with:

 

God is great, God is good.
Let us thank him for our food.
By his hands, we are fed.
Let us thank him for our bread.

 

I did like this one:

 

For food in a world where many walk in hunger;
For faith in a world where many walk in fear;
For friends in a world where many walk alone;
We give you thanks, O Lord.

 

and this one:

 

Our Dear Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for this food. Feed our souls on the bread of life and help us to do our part in kind words and loving deeds. We ask in Jesus' name.

 

If you have a Blessing that you say please share it with me. And if you are having a meal with me, please remind me to say a Blessing. I truly appreciate all that God has provided and want to give Him thanks.

 

*****

 



 

Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and after blessing it broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, "Take, eat; this is my body."
-Matthew 26:26

From Oscars to Homeless in 24 hours

Hello,

Last night was a pretty big night in Hollywood. In case you missed it, it was the Oscars. It’s a night of Glam and Glitz. I used to LOVE these shows. I would sit for hours watching what everyone was wearing. I would watch the Red Carpet shows, the Award Show itself, and then all of the shows the next week detailing what everyone was wearing.

I find it very difficult to watch now. I have a hard time watching something that puts so much focus on such trivial and superficial things.

I did find myself watching a little more than I usually do last night. I think it’s because so many films that were nominated were bringing attention to special causes. I found myself so happy when the Best Actor and Best Actress used their acceptance speech to bring light to ALS and Alzheimer. That was needed because I flinched every time I saw someone wearing a huge necklace or someone who was totally blinged out.

I have a very hard time with Hollywood right now. So many movies and television shows are all about worshipping money. That doesn’t mean that I don’t watch movies and television. It just means that what I watch don’t focus on labels and who has what.

Millions and millions of people watched the Oscars. Millions of people talked about who was wearing what. It makes me sad. There are so many more things we can focus on.

Less than 24 hours later I was sitting in church. I went to my church tonight for a service. During the winter they host the homeless on Monday nights.  They provide dinner, showers, clothing, beds, breakfast, and service.  I had been wanting to get involved. It was something I wanted to do when I lived in Charlotte the first time, but I never did. I have wanted to get involved this year, but had not until tonight.

A couple of weeks ago Pastor mentioned that the youth organize the Service and I immediately made note that I wanted to go to the service. Last week we had bad weather. Tonight I knew I wanted to be there.

If you know me, then you know that I am an emotional person. I cry all of the time. I cry during Church. I cry during prayer. I cry listening to stories. I cry.

I was not prepared for what I saw tonight. I knew what I would be seeing, but I was unprepared for how much it would pull at me. When I got to the gym dinner was over. The beds were out and people were preparing for bed. There were so many children. My heart ached.

I needed to use the ladies room and when I walked in there was a mother cleaning up her little boy. He had messed his pants. Someone was helping her hand wash his pants in the sink. Not to give TMI, but while I was in the stall I overheard her talking to her son. She told him that he would get to ‘snuggle and sleep with Mama tonight’. He doesn’t always get to do that. A lump formed in my throat. I had to stay in there a little longer to compose myself.

Soon I was time to start service. Not everyone joined in, but several did. We sang some uplifting songs  and then Pastor read from the Bible. After we all gathered at the altar and held hands. We went around in a circle and prayed.  You could pray out loud or silently. Then you would squeeze the hand of the person next to you and it was their turn. While we were singing someone placed a prayer request on an index card in front of me. I would read it out loud when it was my turn. Some of the other prayer requests had tears just streaming down my face. I knew that I would choke up if I tried to say anything else. I prayed silently and then read the card.

After prayers we had communion.  A very eager and enthusiastic young boy offered to help. He was so sweet. Pastor offered that he could hold the cloth for the wine, but he insisted that he offer the wine (grape juice).  He was unbelievably adorable jumping in and offering the prayer thanking God.  He made me smile like you would not believe.

After communion we gathered again and put our arms around each other. We swayed and sang “Lean on Me”. How I made it through that I cannot tell you. Sobbing I say. My eyes were leaking.  That was one of the most moving experiences I have ever had.

When we were done singing it was time for sharing the peace. Hugs for everyone. I am a hugger, so I loved this. It meant everyone to hug and smile with everyone there.

As soon as I got home I immediately emailed the lady who organizes these evenings. I told her that I would help in any way I can. We will be meeting on Wednesday and talk about what I can do. I will be doing some of the sleepovers and possibly driving people places. This will need to be enough for me. I hope it is because as I was walking past all of those beds and children I wanted to go empty my bank account and give every dime I have to them. Sadly, there’s not a lot there and it wouldn’t stretch that much, but it would help.

How can I get excited about who is wearing what when there are people out there that would be over the moon for a clean pair of underwear? Sometimes I just can’t handle the world we live in.

There is a song that I absolutely love. I have meaning to talk about it for some time. Matthew West sings a wonderful song called “Do Something”

I woke up this morning
Saw a world full of trouble now
Thought, how’d we ever get so far down
How’s it ever gonna turn around
So I turned my eyes to Heaven
I thought, “God, why don’t You do something?”
Well, I just couldn’t bear the thought of
People living in poverty
Children sold into slavery
The thought disgusted me
So, I shook my fist at Heaven
Said, “God, why don’t You do something?”
He said, “I did, I created you”

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do nothing
It’s time for us to do something

I’m so tired of talking
About how we are God’s hands and feet
But it’s easier to say than to be
Live like angels of apathy who tell ourselves
It’s alright, “somebody else will do something”
Well, I don’t know about you
But I’m sick and tired of life with no desire
I don’t want a flame, I want a fire
I wanna be the one who stands up and says,
“I’m gonna do something”

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do nothing
It’s time for us to do something

We are the salt of the earth
We are a city on a hill (shine shine, shine shine)
But we’re never gonna change the world
By standing still
No we won’t stand still
No we won’t stand still
No we won’t stand still

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do nothing
It’s time for us to do something

Well it’s time for me to do something.

******

But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?

-1 John 3:17

Are we too desensitized to be affected by Bible stories?

Hello,

I have a hard time with how desensitized to violence and sexual behavior we have become as a society. I may be old school, but I remember a time when “adult material” could only play on TV after 10 pm. That included commercials.   Today you can watch the ABC Family channel at 2pm and see commercials for R rated movies. Viagra commercials are rampant on TV. Video games are full of violence.  

I was recently babysitting a 5 yr old girl who showed me her book of Bible Stories. She told me that her favorite story was the one about the baby in the basket. That took me back. I had a Book of Bible Stories when I was a little girl. It even had pictures. I can still see them clear as day when I close my eyes. It used to terrify me.  There were pictures of babies being beheaded.  It still haunts me.

My first thought is, who the heck bought me that book? But, I guess that’s what books of Bible Stories include. My second thought is, how are kids today supposed to live in a God Fearing world when the stories from the Bible don’t feel any worse than what you can see on Network TV?  There are commercials for Rated R movies that come on during that day that scare the heck out of me and I’m an adult. I shudder to think how they are affecting kids.

God loves us and we should Love Him. We should be afraid of mortal consequences. 

******

Then Pharaoh commanded all his people, saying, "Every son who is born you are to cast into the Nile, and every daughter you are to keep alive."

-Exodus 1:22

Trading my Sorrows

Hello,

In my last post I talked about the Devil targeting me. It’s happening in many ways right now. One of the most damning is the negative thoughts that are plaguing me.

I have been feeling very down on myself lately. I have been bogged down with stress and some feelings of hopelessness. There has been a lot of doubt going on. Did I make the right decision moving down to NC? Am I a failure? Was a foolish to switch careers? Will I be alone for the rest of my life? Is there light at the end of this tunnel?

Sometimes the negative thoughts make me feel like I am drowning in them. Things feel so hopeless. It makes me want to just curl up and do nothing. What’s the point anyway? It keeps me from living my life. It keeps me from moving forward.

I have been praying and talking with God so much. I know that I am not alone. I KNOW that He is with me, but sometimes it feels like I have been abandoned. That is the devil working.

Yesterday I was at church and I was looking through the songs we would be singing. When we finish one song I like to turn ahead to the next one to be nice and ready. One of the songs on the list yesterday was Trading my Sorrows. I love this song. It speaks to me. Ironically, we didn’t actually sing it. But, just seeing it and reading the lyrics made me feel so good.

I'm trading my sorrows
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying them down
For the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying them down
For the joy of the Lord

We Say
Yes Lord yes Lord
Yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord
Yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord
Yes yes Lord Amen

I am pressed but not crushed
Persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I am blessed beyond the curse
For His promise will endure
That His joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

How great is that? Yes, Lord I am trading my sorrows. While I was sitting in church the sun peeked through the window and was shining right in my face. It felt like a giant spotlight on me during the sermon. It was a reminder to me that God is ALWAYS with me. So yes, I am trading in my sorrows. And I feel so much better.

It’s funny. When you pray to God and ask him for things it’s easy to think of it like a birthday wish. It’s easy to think “Well I prayed 2 minutes ago and nothing got better. God must not be listening to me.” The good news is that He is listening.

I traded in my sorrows and good things are happening. God is providing for me.

*****

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 4: 8-9

Sometimes I feel like the Devil's number One target

Hello,

Every day when I take a shower I am not alone in there. I am not referring to my morning prayers, which always happen in the shower. No, I am referring to the ladybugs that live in my bathroom.  There are so many of them.

I have come to consider myself something of a Ladybug Whisperer. Sometimes I walk in and there are two or three upside down struggling in the water left in the tub. I practically kill myself running to them to save them.

That’s why I don’t always understand my actions and thoughts. I will do anything to save a ladybug, and yet there are things that I do that can hurt people. I don’t want to do that. Sometimes it’s a word. Sometimes an action.  The devil works awfully hard in me sometimes.

 I have been immersing myself in the Word of God. I have been doing whatever I can to give back and help as many people as I can. I can feel God working through me. That makes me a target for the devil. Every morning I ask for God’s help to fight the Devil. Sometimes he’s stronger than I am. It’s been torture. I KNOW God has my back. I know that He is with me. He’s making me stronger, but man I wish the Devil would just go pick on someone else right now.

I see other people hurting people left and right and leading a selfish life. They don't seem to care. Sometimes I wish I could be more selfish. And then I get really mad for thinking that. That’s not what God wants. It's just that it looks so easy for some people to not care. Guilt and remorse is so taxing.

I try so hard to live a perfect life that I forget that I am human.  I have feelings. I have emotions.  Jesus died for my sins. I am going to falter. I am going to make mistakes.  I am going to be a target of the devil. I just have to keep asking God for strength and forgiveness. And I need to work hard not to make the same mistakes.

Hey Devil, my life belongs to God. You may win some battles, but you will never win the war!

*****

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

1 Peter 5:8