You hurt me. I want you to hurt.

Hello,

I am a Christian. I am a Nice Person. I am a fairly positive person. I am a compassionate person. I am a sympathetic person. So why is it that there are some people that just bring out a rage in me that I really don't like?

I am not kidding. There is a rage. Even thinking about that person makes my blood pressure rise. It takes me a while to calm down. I never wish harm on anyone. I don't. But, sometimes a little discomfort maybe.

You hurt me. I want you to hurt.

This is a normal reaction. Immediately after I feel this rage I always sit and pray for them and for me. I pray for the strength not to let them get to me. I pray that I can forgive.  I pray for them that they may find peace with God. No matter how much they hurt me or angered me, I won't let them win.

It is a rage. It's not just me being upset and angry.  I want to punch something. I want to kick something. I want to damage something. I am able to control it, but it eats me up inside.

Now before you get worried about me, this is not an every day thing. It's sporadic. It happens every once in a while. I have managed to distance myself from these people, but not gone completely.

I thank God every day for choosing me. If I did not have God in my life, I shudder to think how I would respond.

So do what you want to me, but I will not let you break me. God is on my side. I will just pray with him that you let him into your life. It's so worth it!

*****

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
-Matthew 6: 14-15